Apparently I had forgotten all about this... forgotten all about reading, posting and the like and, if you're finding me from Ygallery closing or threat thereof... Hi. 

Let me know who you are and we can at least keep tabs.  The better places are on Facebook and if I know who you are and you aren't a bad kind of freak or creep, I'll tell you where to find me on FB.  

My new year this year began with my move to Columbus.  It ended a lot of things and brought a lot of new things up. 

I am not doing my yearly summation this year.  I figure... it's best just to begin again.  New beetle out of its old carapace.  

BABY MICE SQUEE!!  That is all.

It's been awhile since I've watched heterosexual porn. Most of what I watch is gay or occasionally lesbian if I can find anything worth watching.  When I made an order for a new strap on, (which I am rather excited about using, by the by) the order came in with a bunch of free stuff from an offer they were having.  Spiffy.  So I open the package and pull everything out.  I have a little travel vibe and some sleeve attachments as well as the strap I ordered and some pocket pussy that I will be donating to someone less fortunate.  It also came with a DVD and, since it's been awhile since I've watched porn, I popped it in.  

Have I mentioned it's been a long time since I've watched porn?

To start off, I knew porn had been getting high budget lately and actually having plot and stuff, but I didn't know they had Dolby sound or CGI.  The ending of this particular porn had a guy running into a CG dinosaur that he asked if they were "fucking kidding" him.  At least there was no dinosaur sex.  That would have been weird.

To spare you all, I believe I will put the sex stuff behind a cut.  ( Read more... )

I ended up skipping through all the sex and watching the porn for the very small plot.  Three hours of sex and about 40 minutes of plot that ends with a guy being chased by a dinosaur.  All in all, lame and not even entertaining due to Spitty McSpitterson.  Disgusting.  Ugh.  I am NOT their target market on that, I know.  But uuuuuuugh!!

Okay.  Rant about porn is over now.  For those of you who don't want a dirty rundown, here's the clean part of the rant.  Spitting is NOT sexy and lesbians don't want cock.  The end.

Okay, I don't know about you guys, but when I see up on facebook or various art sites that people whose work I enjoy are offering commissions, I would LOVE to buy some, but as I am going through a bankruptcy and a move toward the end of this year, I am not able to buy shit from anyone, even if they're really, really good friends of mine AND they're in desperate need of money. I just don't have it to give to them.  So when someone posts something like the following on their page, it rather upsets me.

Alright, not only did nobody fill my two measly commission slots but not one person even COMMENTED. not one comment. Not ONE. So I'm no longer taking commissions, ever again. (at least not until the next time I need my heart broken and any sense of self worth I may have had as an artist destroyed..) Which is pretty much like saying never. (not that anyone will care about that apparently.)

OMFG.  REALLY??  Why the hell are you going to be some passive aggressive fucking bitch about everything?  JESUS CHRIST SERIOUSLY.  GET OVER YOURSELF.  OMG NO ONE COMMENTED TO MY JOURNAL ENTRY SO NOW I'M ALL BUTTHURT AND PEOPLE HAAAAATE ME I'M TAKING MY TOYS AND GOING HOME!

Get a fucking life.  People out there on the internet sometimes have worse problems than you do.  Being all pissed and passive aggressive because someone didn't comment on a journal post you made on an art site does NOT win you any favors OR any commissions from me.  At this point I'm ready to take her off my friends list entirely and never read anything of hers again.  If you're going to be a fucking child, I don't need to deal with your drama and bullshit.  I have enough of that in my own goddamned life.  Stop being an asshole.

And while I'm ranting, Seriously, people.  Stop posting this "I'm leaving and never coming back!!" bullshit.  No you aren't and yes you will.  You aren't leaving.  You'll go through an emo angst fit because someone thinks your Naruto porn is badly written and has no plot and you're going to delete all your work on the site and go cut yourself in the corner because some asshole on some website doesn't like what you've written.  Okay, one, get a tougher skin.  If someone doesn't like it, that's their perogative.  If it borders on flaming, ignore them and report them.  Move on about your day and write your horrible fanfiction.  Just don't whine and wank all over the internet about how you're leaving, delete all your crap and then turn around and come back in a couple of weeks because zomg, all these people begged you to stay and not to leave and delete your work and blah blah blah.  No,  Fuck that.  If someone says they're leaving forever, tell them good luck and that they will be missed and leave it at that.  I refuse to feed someone's fucking ego because they're too immature and attention starved to act like a reasonable human being.  

Don't say you're leaving and not coming back if you don't mean it.  Don't post this passive aggressive crap expecting me to give a shit when you're begging for money on the internet.

Isn't it normally January when I have my mental crisis and start having issues?  I think that maybe it's time to put on the shiny face and pretend like everything is fine because, seriously?  This isn't getting me anywhere.  I don't need to talk about things because although it's a temporary fix, it doesn't make things last. 

I won't bitch here, either, because it doesn't solve anything, either.  I need to stop posting shit to facebook, too.  Nobody needs to hear that shit.  Nobody wants to hear that shit.  So I'm done and I apologize to anyone who has had to read it and will continue to post only good things from now on.  Maybe it will combat this negativity downward spiral I've been in.  

I am upset enough that I can't stand looking at snakes on my desktop background, lesbian porn actively pisses me off, gay porn annoys me and I'm pissed enough at certain circumstances that I am just beyond pissed and straight into apathetic.  Fuck my life. 

I got my first snake bite today and not from Ruby.  It was from a lavender at Pet Supplies Plus. 

I wanted to get the snake out and actually examine him.  His eyes were clear, his tongue was flicking but the way the guy got him out of his cage, I could tell he was pissed the hell off.  It bit him, he calmed him down and then handed him over, but he bit me in the process.  I kept a hand on him and put him back down in his container, but his tail was still shaking vigorously and he was obviously agitated.  

The other corn snake I had him get out was under his water dish and since he seemed so pissed off to get the one snake out, I didn't have him get the snake out of the container.  I just let him stay in there and chill out.  I didn't need the guy trying to get him out since he seemed pissed off anyway.  I don't want to be a bother and I don't want him pissing off the snakes like he seemed to be trying to do while I was holding the lavender.  He was moving his hands around trying to get the snake to strike.  If that's the treatment they get, I don't want it.  It can stay there until someone decides to pay the outrageous price they want for it.  

Not that the snake I found that I DO want is any better.

They have a strawberry snow at Jack's.  It was curious and doing the little tongue flick thing without being aggressive.  It stayed to the back of the container since it didn't have a hiding place, but I could tell that it was much calmer already than the poor lavender that they had at the other store.  Not to mention I really want a snow.  Snows and lavenders are two of my favorites along with the sunglow.  The problem is, the snake is 60 bucks.  So is the new tank.  So I need a total of 120 bucks to replace my Ruby.  

I miss my snake.  I really, really miss my snake.

This recipe makes a double. 

2 frozen, very ripe bananas cut into chunks
2 shots vodka
3 shots Bailey's Irish Creme
6 shots Kahlua
1 shot chocolate
2 shots heavy cream
2 cups ice

Blend together and top with whipped cream and a little chocolate drizzle.  This drink is a dessert in and of itself!

This conversation just made me SO HAPPY.  OMG

I am an impulse pet buyer. I have wanted a snake for several years and, since my grandmother whom I stay with hates them, I haven't ever really, seriously put a lot of effort into researching them more than just a passing infatuation and reading blog entries of my friends who have them. As I was walking past a case at PetSmart, this little beauty decided to stand up and dance for me.

I put my finger up to the glass and he danced all around it, little tongue flicking at it to try and smell me. I stood and stared at him for awhile and eyed him, then turned away to go look at something else. It wasn't long before I was right back at the case again, putting my finger up to the glass for him to bobble around as he tried to crawl onto it from his side of the glass and rubbed his nose at the top of the tank to get out. He was active and curious and desperate to get somewhere that wasn't in that little box.

My girlfriend said she was horribly tempted to buy him. I gave her an eyeball and then made some offhanded comment about not being able to take him home anyway because my grandmother hated snakes. She gave me a look and told me that she would keep him for me if I wanted to get him.

I stood there for a long time and waffled on rather I should or shouldn't get him, rather I could afford it, how much it would be, where I would put him, what I would do with him, if I could ever even be a snake owner and provide the care for him that I needed to.  I had never really actively researched about snakes, had only kept up an interest in passing because I never thought I would be able to own one and now I was standing in front of a case filled with brightly coloured corn snakes and this one little albino who was dancing all over the case for me.

I bought the damned snake. Knowing just short of NOTHING about one, I bought the damned snake. So many times I have berated people for buying a dog and then not knowing how to feed, train or take care of one and here I was impulse buying a frigging reptile.

Since my girlfriend is a vet tech, I asked her what she knew about them and, while not claiming to be an officiant, she had worked with them and had a basic knowledge and understanding of snakes. My exotics vet for my ferret has a partner who deals exclusively with reptiles and amphibians, so I knew who to take him to when he gets sick. She walked me through and we picked up the basic supplies I would need for him and, a hundred and twenty five dollars and change later, I walked home with a snake in a little plastic cup to set up my tank.

Since he's still a baby and barely two feet long, I bought a five and a half gallon beginner tank that can later be used to raise the feeder mice we'll eventually breed and freeze for him. He has a water dish large enough for him to curl up in and a nice sized rock hidey-hole. We have him in a shredded substrate that is easily changed and bought an under the tank heater for one side of the little enclosure. It has a secure and latching lid with locks to keep him from nosing his way out and getting lost. I picked up two thermostats and one to read humidity and affixed those in the tank for him. After handling him for just a little bit, we let him get settled in his tank.

This is when the hardcore research begins. I brought up every article I could find on keeping corn snakes. I found books that I am going to pick up and read. I have my girlfriend as a reference. I have addresses to herp societies in my area that I can contact for advice should I need a second or third opinion. I have watched youtube videos. I have compiled a list of things I SHOULD have asked them at the petstore. Thankfully they gave me a list of how often and how much he'd been fed.

I don't even know if he is a he or not. He's too young to sex at this point as far as I can tell and, really, I don't feel comfortable jabbing a probe down in my snake's rectum to find out if he has a penis or not. That's something the vet can do for me when I take him for his first wellness check.

By all the research I've been doing, he is a juvenile snake, which I had figured. I don't know many pet stores who would actually sell babies. He is about two feet long, which is about half his adult length. He is a constrictor and, as such, will never be allowed around my neck just because I'm paranoid. He is a snake and I am nothing more than a warm, moving tree to him.

Like any responsible, knowledgeable pet owner, I left the naming of my pet up to a status on my facebook page where people suggested names like "noodle" and "alfredo" and gave me a plethora of Harry Potter references. Then it went into Metal Gear jokes and there was even a song written about him.

Elaphe guttata. What a wonderful snake! Elaphe
guttata, ain't no passin' phase! It means dead rodents for the rest
of your days! It's your rattus-free herpetology! Elaphe guttata!

Yes, all of my friends are dorks and I love them very much.

So now I am sitting here reading more articles and thought I should post to my journal that I am a complete idiot and need to be smacked and shot for being such a tool. Now I go back to research that I shall post somewhere for future reference.